


I've Been Holding On To Hope That You'll Come Back When You Can Find Some Peace

by firetruckyeah



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Getting Back Together, Hurt/Comfort, I Tried, M/M, Sad Max, Self-Harm, Shameless Smut, i missed these ships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 17:07:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21140186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firetruckyeah/pseuds/firetruckyeah
Summary: “Hey guys did you hear that Löw had to call two replacements for midfield as the ones he previously picked are injured?” Leon and Joshua looked at Timo. “Alright boys, since you already know the news you are roomed with them since you are friends” Manuel said before Timo could speak further. Leon felt a shiver running on his back, he thought he knew who his roommate was.





	I've Been Holding On To Hope That You'll Come Back When You Can Find Some Peace

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first time writing both Meyretzka/Goreyer and Julshua, so i'm sorry if this sucks.   
Anyway please leave kudos and comments if you like bc they make me really happy, and please forgive me if you catch any mistake but i'm not a native english speaker and it's really late (i was busy with Juve's ucl match, i'm so happy that we managed to win with those two amazing goals by Dyba, and we got a Dybain hug too!) and i'm tired.  
The tittle is from [Bruises by Lewis Capaldi](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwtRXG1QpR4)  
.
> 
> Friendly reminder that you can come and say hi to me on [Tumblr](https://baentancur.tumblr.com) :)

“Hey guys did you hear that Löw had to call two replacements for midfield as the ones he previously picked are injured?” Leon and Joshua looked at Timo. “Alright boys, since you already know the news you are roomed with them since you are friends” Manuel said before Timo could speak further. Leon felt a shiver running on his back, he thought he knew who his roommate was.

He was indeed right, as he discovered at the hotel the team was staying in. “Julian?”, “Max?” both Joshua and Leon felt as if they were in a dream. But as Julian immediately hugged Joshua Max just stuttered a “hi Leon”. Leon knew that things between them would have been tense since they broke up two summers ago, but it hurt to see Max acting so coldly.

It wasn’t any better at dinner, Max didn’t even look at him, he kept on playing with his food while silently listening to what Weigl was telling him. “-it was lit, mate! Leon are you listening to me?” Joshua asked moving his hand in front of Leon’s face. “Eh? Oh. Yeah” Leon answered but the look on the other’s face told him he was not too convinced.

“I know that it’s not easy to see him after so long, but please can you try not to look at him like a kicked puppy? You broke up with him after all, he has all the rights in being a bit detached, Leon” Joshua said putting a reassuring hand on his arm. “I know...I just…I thought I was getting better but now…I think I’m still in love with him. And he looks strange, like something is wrong. I’ve known him for years, and this not the Max I knew.” Leon said looking at Max, who barely ate and was scratching his arm over the hoodie he was wearing even though it was too warm for it.

-.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.

Joshua pressed himself into Julian as he kissed him as soon as the door of their room closed behind them. “I’ve wanted to do it since I saw you” the older said between kisses.

“Me too, I can’t believe it’s been years since we got to do this” replied Julian.

Julian brought his hands up to hold Joshua’s face, the kiss began to be more heated and Joshua slipped his tongue into Julian’s mouth.

They collapsed on one of the beds in a tangle of limbs. Julian broke the kiss off to kiss his way down Joshua’s neck, which elicited a moan from Joshua. Hearing that caused Julian to feel even more desperate to feel and kiss all of the other man. Joshua then gently pulled Julian’s face from his neck and smiled at him. Julian looked down at Joshua’s flushed face and swollen lips out of breath.

Joshua slipped his hands under Julian’s shirt and gently pulled at it, asking if he could take it off.

Julian sat up, pulling Joshua up with him, and took his shirt off. Joshua couldn’t resist and caressed the now bared chest and leaned in to kiss his way down Julian’s collarbone.

Julian quickly yanked Joshua’s shirt away, as its owner didn’t do it fast enough. The visible frustration caused Joshua to let out a small laugh and say “someone’s eager”.

Julian huffed and kissed Joshua again, biting at his bottom lip. Joshua then grabbed Julian’s neck as he went down on the mattress, never interrupting the kiss. Julian started to kiss Joshua’s chest, Joshua moaned again and dug his fingers in Julian’s back. Julian grinded down on Joshua’s grown, rubbing their dicks together through their pants making both moan. Julian kept on kissing Joshua’s body, leaving a trail of bitemarks. When he finally reached the waistband of Joshua’s trousers he gently dragged his teeth on the skin, making Joshua whine and arch his back on the bed.

Julian sat up, positioning himself between Joshua’s legs and looked down at the older boy. He was breathing heavily, his pupils were dilated, and his lips were swollen. He made eye contact with Julian and gave him a pleading look, Julian thought he had never seen him looking so needy.

Julian was sure he had never seen someone look that beautiful before, “you’re properly beautiful Josh” he said. Julian reached over to intertwine both of their hands, he leaned down and kissed Joshua slowly and sweetly, a completely different pace than that of their previous kissing. The kissing progressively got more heated after Joshua shoved his tongue back in Julian’s mouth.

Julian eventually broke off the kiss and sat up again, he palmed Joshua through his sweats, and Joshua involuntarily thrusted up into his hand with a moan. He traced the waistband of Joshua’s pants before hooking his fingers in them and tugging them and his boxers down quickly and tossing them aside. Joshua’s dick was hard against his stomach, leaking a little pre-cum. Julian gently traced Joshua’s hips with his thumbs and Joshua whimpered.

“If You don’t do something I’ll handle this myself. Stop teasing” Julian grinned down at Joshua before gently grabbing his dick and carefully giving it one loose pump. Joshua squeezed his eyes shut and began to moan and thrust up into Julian’s hand. Julian then leaned down and licked a long strip along the underside of Joshua’s dick, Joshua gave a high pitched moan in response. Julian proceeded to slowly ease Joshua as far into his mouth as he could. The way Joshua was moaning his name and squirming beneath him urged Julian to bob his head up and down.

Joshua was a mess, falling apart quickly in Julian’s mouth. Joshua grabbed Julian’s hair as Julian moaned around Joshua’s dick at this and picked up the pace as much as he could. Joshua began moaning “fuck- Jule I’m gonna-gonna come” Julian, continued sucking Joshua’s dick until Joshua came down his throat with a moan of Julian’s name. Julian continued bobbing his head slowly over Joshua until he was pushed off. Julian sat up, wiped his mouth, and looked down at Joshua who was desperately trying to regain some semblance of composure.

Joshua then rolled them over, so that he was on top of Julian. He sucked and bit at the spot directly below Julian’s collarbone, and only stopped when there was dark purple bruise to show for his efforts. Joshua quickly kissed his way down Julian’s abdomen only to leave another bruise below his navel. When Joshua firmly ran his hand up and down Julian’s dick through his trousers though, Julian moaned loudly. As a result Joshua felt himself becoming hard again. “Jesus Josh you’re hard again” Julian breathed in his ear, to which Joshua blushed and replied “shut up, can’t help it.”

Julian eased Joshua’s legs further apart and asked “do you have any lube Josh?” eager to get his hand back on the older. “Yes, in my bag” Joshua responded breathily. Julian reached over and grabbed the lube, putting a generous amount on his fingers. He slowly pushed one finger into Joshua, who had tensed up a bit. Julian wiggled his finger a bit and whispered “just relax Josh. If you want to stop just tell me”. Joshua let out a deep breath and said “don't you dare stop”, Julian felt him relax soon after and added a second finger.

He was pumping his fingers into Joshua with ease soon after, and Joshua was a gasping whimpering mess. Julian curled his fingers inside of Joshua at just right angle, hitting his prostate. Joshua let out a loud moan, and Julian grinned. He continued working Joshua open until he decided he was ready. Julian grabbed the lube again putting on his dick and Joshua’s entrance. Julian then slowly eased himself into Joshua, who’s breath caught in his throat. Julian let out a low moan at the feeling of being inside Joshua, and had to restrain himself from moving before the other was ready.

He stayed still, watching Joshua closely to make sure he was not in pain. He kissed Joshua needily and began thrusting into him slowly. Joshua was moaning into Julian’s mouth.

While Julian’s thrusts had started out slow, they quickly became faster and harder. Julian was hitting Joshua’s prostate with every thrust, and Joshua was completely unravelled beneath him and painfully hard. Julian reached between them to grab Joshua’s dick and jerked him off in time with his own thrusts. Joshua moaned “fuck, Jule, I’m so close. Gonna come”.

In response, Julian thrusted into Joshua hard and gave his dick three more pumps before Joshua was moaning his name and coming again. Julian jerked him off through his orgasm until he was completely boneless. Watching Joshua come got Julian impossibly close to his own orgasm. He grabbed Joshua’s hips and began desperately thrusting into him. He came inside Joshua with a shout and slumped onto his chest, unable to catch his breath. 

They stayed like that for a few minutes, both too lazy to move. When Julian pulled out of Joshua they both exhaled sharply. Julian reached out to grab Joshua’s previously discarded shirt, and wiped them both clean with it before throwing it back on the ground. Joshua pulled Julian back to the bed, and tangled their limbs together. Grinning lazily, Joshua said “you’ve got no clue how long I’ve wanted that Jule”. “We should probably sleep now, training and that tomorrow” Julian said, realizing they had to wake up early the next morning for training. Joshua agreed and they both drifted off happily.

-.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.

If the relationship between Julian and Joshua seemed unfazed by their time apart Max and Leon’s was the opposite. Their interactions were always awkward and Max seemed uncharacteristically quiet, Leon was almost certain that he was hiding something with his constant avoidance and bandaged wrists. Things became to add up the night before the match with Norther Ireland. They won with Belarus and everyone was confident, but Max seemed to prefer his own company, as he was seated alone watching his teammates chatting with a sad smile.

As soon as they reached the hotel’s lounge Max mumbled something about feeling tired and wanting to go to sleep. “You’re not staying? We’re probably having a Fifa tournament” Leon said when he spotted Max near the elevators. “Oh, no. I’m feeling exhausted, maybe another time” Max replied trying to smile in a way that didn’t seem forced. Leon didn’t fall for it, Max’s eyes were glossy, as if tears would spill out of them soon even if he was trying to repress the urge. Before Leon could say anything else Joshua pulled his arm, “come on Leon! We’re waiting for you!”.

Leon ended up losing the only match he played, his mind was focused on Max and why he seemed so distressed. He hoped it was just tiredness and nothing else, Max was not his business anymore, he made it very clear during their last argument. The one that broke them up. Leon felt like someone punched him in the chest and took away his heart at the mere thought. They said horrible things to each other in the heat of the moment, things that Leon knew weren’t true.

Still Leon had the sensation that something was, indeed, very wrong with Max, so that after watching Serge and Luca’s match he excused himself and went to the room he shared with his ex-club mate. Max appeared to be asleep, curled in himself under the duvet so much you could barely see his blonde hair. Leon prepared himself for bed, he left one more glance at Max before shutting the lights, for a moment he could have sworn to see him tremble.

Leon was woken up not many hours later by the sound of someone crying. He immediately knew it was Max. He switched his phone’s torch on and quietly walked to the other bed, Max was tossing and turning around, cheeks wet with the tears that were falling like rain during a storm. “No, no please, please, Leon I’ll be better, please don’t leave me. I promise, I’ll be better at football, Leon please, I love you”. Leon felt his heart stop at the words, he put one hand on Max’s shoulder ignoring the shiver he felt. “Max? Hey Max wake up. It’s just a bad dream, it’s not real, I’m here” Max woke up with a start, his fingers tangled so tight that it must have been painful in Leon’s shirt.

It was then that Leon saw them, the cuts on Max’s arms. Some were nothing but scars, but some looked rather fresh, a few had little droplets of blood falling on. Leon didn’t even notice that he had been staring at the horrible show in front of his eyes with a probably shocked face, but as soon as Max’s mind truly focused on the situation he let go of Leon and curled back into himself crying. “Max, baby, look at me please” Leon gently took Max’s hands in his. Max’s gaze was still focused on his own legs that were getting wet thanks to all the tears.

Leon then put two fingers under Max’s chin, careful not to hurt the other. “Max I’m not angry at you, I’m just sad that you were so sad to do this. I need you to promise me that from now on whenever you feel the need to do it you’ll call me. It doesn’t matter the time, it doesn’t matter what happened, you can always count on me”. Max was watching him intently, “you…you’re not disgusted? You’re not ashamed of me?”. Leon took one of Max’s arm and kissed it. “I heard what said in your sleep…I’ve never stopped loving you Max”.

-.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.

Things got increasingly better from that moment, Max and Leon were glued together all day. And when Leon scored the goal that sealed Germany’s qualification to euros he run to the bench and hugged Max, who even got to play twenty minutes. They found each other after the match, they posed for the usual celebration pics and a little party with the rest of the team.

“Can I kiss you?” Leon whispered during the bus journey, everyone was asleep or too tired to care. “Yes please” Max breathed back. Leon leaned in and kissed him softly. They pulled apart, both with a smile on their face. They kissed again, with more passion, all the desire they had to hide in the last year and a half was freed. “Leon- Leon- we can’t do this here. I want you so much” there was something dark and needy in Leon’s eyes that made Max’s stomach swoop with anticipation, but he forced himself to get a grip. “Sleep in my bed tonight” Leon said softly, not looking away from Max’s gaze. Max nodded despite the fact it hadn’t been a question.

When Leon finally kissed him again in the privacy of their room it was a petal soft touch filled with a tentative question, but the second Max let out a little gasp of pleasure in response Leon’s hand came up to grip his jaw and he kissed him harder, slipping his tongue through Max’s parted lips like he owned him. Like it was his right to kiss Max like it was all he wanted in the world. When Leon’s hands came back to his chest Max’s breathing stammered audibly and Leon grinned, quick and sharp and full of promise.

“Leon…I…” Max murmured breathlessly, completely unable to finish a sentence. Leon looked at him like he understood, like he knew exactly what Max was thinking, and when he lifted his hand to cup Max’s cheek all Max could do was sigh and lean into the touch. “I’ve got you” Leon whispered and Max leaned up as Leon leaned down and their lips met in a rush of desperation and need and lust. Leon’s hands gripped his waist almost bruisingly tight, tugging him hard against his body. Max moaned into his mouth and wrapped his arms around Leon’s neck to pull himself even closer. They kissed like it was all they’d ever wanted to do, and maybe it was. Leon’s hands slid down over the curve of his hips to grip the full mounds of Max’s arse, Leon’s moan of delight at cupping him had Max nipping Leon’s lower lip with his teeth.

Leon’s mouth moved down Max’s neck and he whimpered softly as Leon sucked a bruise right where everyone would see. “Leon, fuck me, please” Max gasped out and Leon came back to kiss him on the lips, his tongue stroking Max’s with slick sweeps that had Max panting and wiggling his hips against him in the hopes it would speed him up. One of Leon’s hands stayed on the curve of his arse, the other stroked up his back to grip the hair at the nape of Max’s neck.

“You know what I’ve always wanted to do?” Leon said breathlessly against Max’s lips and Max shook his head quickly. When Leon grinned Max had to swallow down a desperate moan, because he’d seen that smile before. He’d seen that much sexual need on his best friend’s face when they were together and it was seriously making it hard not to come too quick.

Leon moved his mouth along Max’s jaw and up to his ear, where he whispered “always thinking about this arse of yours . . .can’t count the amount of times I’ve come thinking about putting my mouth right . . . here” Leon whispered the last word as his finger slipped between Max’s arse cheeks and rubbed slowly over Max’s hole. “F-fuck” Max stammered, hips flexing back to push against Leon’s finger, desperate for more. “Will you let me, baby? Will you let me eat out your amazing arse? Wanna see how pretty you are like that” Leon murmured into Max’s ear and Max whimpered loudly and high pitched. “Please. Please, Leon” Max whined and Leon slowly dragged his teeth down Max’s neck to nip at his collarbones.

Leon kissed him hard, sharper than before, a little more teeth, before pulling back, taking hold of Max hips, and spinning him firmly. Max was gently pushed into the wall before he’d even realised what was happening. The mirror on wall gave him a perfect view of the picture they made. Leon’s big body behind him, Max with his chest pressed to the wall, his back bent to push his arse back into Leon’s hands. Leon looked up and met Max’s eyes in the mirror and Max whimpered a little, Leon’s hands tightening on the full curves of his hips. Leon never looked away from his eyes as he leaned forwards to press his lips to Max’s ear.

“You gonna watch yourself, baby? Watch your pretty face as I eat you out?” Leon murmured and Max nodded shakily, agreeing to anything Leon wanted. Leon’s hips came forwards and his thick erection slid between the cheeks of Max’s arse, making Max bow his back and moan loudly. Leon laughed against the nape of Max’s neck, like he was having fun tormenting Max like this, and all Max could do was bend a little further and wiggle his hips against Leon’s invitingly. It was like going this far had given Leon the freedom to say and do whatever the hell he liked.

Leon kissed his way down Max’s spine. He licked between the tops of Max’s arse cheeks and Max whined sharply.

“Stop being such a fucking tease” Max whined sounding more breathless and desperate than he wanted to admit. Leon huffed out a laugh against his skin and Max couldn’t help but shuffle his legs a little wider. Leon groaned at the sight of him, his hands coming up to squeeze and spread the cheeks of his arse. When Leon licked over his hole Max moaned and his eyes snapped back to the mirror. Leon started to lick over him with long slow licks that had Max panting, but it didn’t hide how utterly obscene they looked in that mirror. Leon knelt between Max’s legs, his thighs thick and strong, his cock hard and heavy between his legs. His abs tensed as he leaned in to lick his way inside of Max’s hole with short thrusts of his tongue and Max whimpered helplessly. Fuck, that mirror was going to kill him, Leon was going to kill him.

Leon pulled back to carefully use his teeth to gently nip at Max’s rim and Max let out a hiccupping little breath, his cheeks flushed a shocking pink. “Leon” Max moaned, Leon pulled back a hand and laid a sharp slap on his arse cheek, and when Max tried to arch away Leon gripped his arse cheeks harder and moved in to lick into his body again. Max moaned and whined and whimpered so much his throat began to hurt but he just couldn’t shut himself up, “d-don’t stop, don’t stop, Leon” Max begged breathlessly. Leon used his tongue to fuck in and out of Max’s body and Max’s hole clenched hard around it when his orgasm curled in his abdomen and broke apart without warning, his untouched cock wetting both his own stomach with streaks of come.

When Leon didn’t let up and continued to lick and suck at his rim Max whimpered and tried to move away but Leon gripped him tighter and worked his tongue in a way that had arousal quickly squirming through Max’s once again. “L-Leon I can’t, I can’t come again, I-I” Max stammered and Leon stood up behind him without warning. He tugged Max’s weak body around to face him and Max whined at how pink and swollen Leon’s lips were. Leon leaned down to speak with his lips brushing Max’s. “I know you can come again for me, baby. You gonna let me fuck you, Max? Let me fuck you against the mirror so I can see your pretty face as you come for me again?” Leon asked him, his voice huskier than Max had ever heard it and Max was helpless but to nod.

Leon tugged Max in front of him and gripped his hips tight. Max let his head fall back onto Leon’s shoulder, his neck exposed as Max dragged a hand up his chest to cup the front of his neck. The hold was possessive and it had Max pushing his arse back against Leon’s hard on with a pleased sigh. Max wanted to be the best, Max wanted to be the best fuck Leon’s ever had, wanted to be so good Leon wouldn’t think twice before deciding to keep Max forever. Max arched his body back, going up on his tip toes and moved so he could put his mouth to Leon’s ear. He knew he looked good like this and was rewarded by the shaky breath Leon exhaled.

“You gonna fuck me, Leon? Wanted you to fuck me for so, so long” Max murmured, voice breathy and delicate, slowly rocking his hips back against the hard press of Leon’s cock. “You gonna fuck me hard, darling? I want that. I want you so deep and hard. Please, Leon? Will you fuck me like I want?” Max moaned purposefully and Leon seemed to snap, his body going tense with readiness. The hand on Max’s neck tightening a little, the other on his hip coming around to grip Max’s erection, stroking slowly and making Max gasp and shake. Fuck, Max had known Leon was big, in the objective sense that he’d felt it inside of him before, but seeing it now and thinking about that pushing inside of him had him shuddering with anticipation.

Max purposefully arched his back and spread his legs a little more, the posture making Leon’s steps stutter a little. Max felt a surge of power at the thought that he affected Leon so much, both of Max’s hands gripped the cheeks of his arse, and spread himself for Leon’s eyes. Leon groaned loudly as he came to stand directly behind his hips, and one dry finger came up to drag over Max’s hole. Max hummed in pleasure and bit down on his lower lip. Leon slicked the fingers of his right hand before touching the tips to Max’s rim. Before pushing in his left hand came up to cup the front of Max’s neck, the hold tightening a little as he pushed in the first finger. Max wiggled his hips a little at the stretch and slight burn of the intrusion but soon enough his body relaxed enough for Leon to slide in another finger. He slowly fucked his fingers in and out of Max’s body, working up to a third finger until Max was red faced and panting against the mirror, his hands having come up to once more brace his shaking weight against the mirror.

When Leon started to push a fourth finger into him Max felt like his knees were going to buckle.

“Leon, Leon I’m ready, come on, come on, come on” Max begged, his voice stuck in this high pitched and whiny tone that had him internally cringing. Leon removed his fingers and his hand from Max’s neck, quickly slicking up his length before touching the head to Max’s hole. He looked up as he gripped Max’s hips, his eyes locking onto Max’s. They kept the stare as Leon slowly slid into his body, the gradual stretch made Max’s mouth open with a soundless moan. As Leon finally settled himself within Max’s body, his hips pressed firmly to Max’s arse, Max’s body shuddered and he all but collapsed his weight against the wall.

“Leon” Max whined, eyes heavy-lidded but determinedly open. Leon dropped a soft kiss on his shoulder, whispering “I got you, baby” before taking hold of Max’s hips and slowly pulling out. The delicious drag of his cock had Max moaning softly before Leon suddenly thrust in hard. Leon’s hips moved in a sinuous rhythm that sang a chorus of slaps as Leon’s hips hit Max’s arse over and over, harder and harder and Max was practically sobbing with the need to come. He snuck a hand down his own body and fisted his leaking cock, stroking only once before starbursts shot through his vision and he was coming for the second time, his body tightening around the thick intrusion of Leon’s cock. Leon groaned against Max’s neck and his hips stuttered as he began to come. His teeth nipped at Max’s neck and Max knew he’d find another bruise there later on.

As Max came down from his orgasm and Leon’s hips finally slowed to a stop, they stood clinging to one another, trying to gather their wits once more. “Holy shit” Max said breathlessly and Leon laughed against his neck. Leon pulled back slowly, their bodies coming apart, they stood facing one another for a moment, neither of them knowing what to do, before Max couldn’t take it any longer and bridged the gap. He pressed himself to Leon’s chest, wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing his lips with all the emotion that was currently swirling through him. Leon wrapped him in his arms tightly and kissed him back with something Max could only call love.

Max pulled back to hide his face in the side of Leon’s neck and his best friend hugged him back tightly. “I don’t want to pretend this didn’t happen” Max whispered nervously and Leon pressed a kiss to the side of his neck. “I told you I love you, Max, I can’t live without you” Leon replied softly.

Max pulled back quickly to search Leon’s dark eyes. “Promise?” Max asked breathlessly and Leon nodded with a slow, happy smile. Max grinned and kissed him deeply, this moment was about Leon and Max finally founding one another again.


End file.
